One year after creating the subreddit, r/Gaybros , Alex DeLuca talks with BuzzFeed LGBT about what defines this subgenre of gay and how the community has become a resource for other men looking for a world that accepts them.
Image by John Gara/Buzzfeed
Alex DeLuca, 23, lives in Boston and works in social media marketing and PR. He spoke with BuzzFeed via email.
BuzzFeed: How do you define a Gaybro?
Alex DeLuca: Gaybros gather around traditionally masculine or male interests, but more than that a Gaybro is someone who doesn't fit the narrow definition of what "gay" means as promoted by popular culture. In our group we have athletes, tradesmen, Soldiers, farmers, and everything in between. What brings us all together is our desire to promote self acceptance and building an inclusive and supportive community where people are free to be themselves.
BF: Why did you launch r/Gaybros?
AD: Over the past decade being gay or bisexual has become increasingly more acceptable, but this acceptance often comes with a very narrow definition of what it means to be gay. This presents a challenge for young guys such as myself, who don't really fit that definition. I like video games, paintball, sports... and people don't really expect gay guys to like any of these things. I think a lot of young men who are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality feel like doing so would require them to change who they are, and that simply isn't the case. I created Gaybros to provide a space for these guys to gather and talk about shared interests and to break down stereotypes and promote the idea that you could be a gay man and still be exactly who you've always been.
BF: What has the response been like?
AD: Honestly? Completely overwhelming. I created Gaybros as a sort of side project and it truly seems like it blew up over night. What started as a small community of a few hundred quickly expanded to over 17,000 subscribers, 200,000 unique monthly visitors and 2 million monthly page views... in under a year, completely by word of mouth.
More importantly than any subscriber number though is the feedback we've received. On a weekly basis we'll get letters from members who credit Gaybros for helping them accept who they are or come out to themselves or family. Dozens have even credited the community with saving their lives. The community does great things, it truly is an incredible group of guys and I'm humbled and extremely honored to count myself among their number.
One example is Matt Greene, who credits Gaybros for giving him the confidence to come out. He's a Army veteran (OEF) and video game developer. He had this to say about the subreddit:
"A lot of us have come to know each other specifically through the subreddit, and a lot of people, including myself, were given the courage and confidence to come out, because we knew we weren't alone. I think the crew has been given the opportunity to turn our little slice of reddit into something much bigger, that can reach A LOT more people. We can help more people realize that you don't have to fit a stereotype to be gay, that they aren't alone in the world. Honestly, I think one of the biggest positives of the site could be the potential to reach more people and save more lives in the process."
BF: Some users not familiar with your community might feel like you are shaming effeminate gays. Or that you might not be inclusive of other gay types. How would you respond to that?
AD: I think these impressions are understandable, however anyone who has spent some time on the Gaybros community can tell you it's simply not true. The most simple way I can explain it is that we care about interests and character, not mannerisms. Everyone is welcome to come to Gaybros to shoot the shit, grab a beer at a Gaybros meet up, and participate in the different activities and events we schedule. Gaybros is all about not having to change who you are just because your gay. We gather around many shared interests such as sports, video games, fitness, food and drink, so if you have something to say, we're happy to have you.
Source: reddit.com / via: reddit.com
BF: The conversations on Gaybros covers everything from orgasms to gym habits. Are you surprised by the range of topics and how openly they are discussed?
AD: Ha! I didn't expect the range of topics to expand quite as dramatically as it did, but it's been an interesting and beneficial evolution. The community was founded around shared interests that would be considered traditionally masculine and has grown over the past year to become increasingly inclusive while still maintaining the camaraderie and brotherhood feeling of the early days.